“If you don’t believe in yourself no one else will”
The other day I was speaking to a client about an extremely important topic, “being your biggest supporter”. Too often we are waaaaaaaaay too hard on ourselves, and when we don’t reach the goals we set ourselves or behave the way we expect to, we can turn into our own biggest soul destroyers.
“I should be better at my job”, “Why didn’t I just speak up when I had the chance?”, “No one is ever going to love me”, “I can’t believe I did that in front of everyone”.
These are the things that spin like a revolving record in our heads, and the longer this goes on the deeper the needle scratches these beliefs into our record. It’s human nature to want to better ourselves and strive for our goals, but there are more positive ways to achieve the results we want. Would you berate a child because he didn’t win the race? Or would you applaud him for trying his best, and encourage him to better himself for the next one? Why should it be any different when dealing with yourself?
Nobody is perfect, and I myself still struggle with the negative impacts that have evolved from years of self shaming. It’s something that clients regularly bring up in sessions, and something I hear almost daily from friends and colleagues. The idea of working against yourself pops up so regularly around me that I’ve made it a little pet project of mine, and I’ve developed a little exercise that I want to share with you.
Find a quiet space and take out a piece of paper. Sit with yourself for a moment and really think about the things that you say to yourself. Are they kind words? Do they inspire you to exceed your own expectations? Are they things that you would say to another person? If not you have a choice to make. Either continue as you are, or decide to become the loving, supporting person to yourself that will carry you through good times and bad.
If becoming your own best supporter is the choice you decide to make, solidify this commitment by writing an oath to yourself. Write your oath promising to always support you when you need it most. Promise to love, nurture and encourage, just as you would someone very dear to you. Make your oath meaningful and when you’re done carry it with you, read it daily, and remember the choice you’ve made.
We live in a society of ambition and aspiration, but only you have the power to decide how to get there.
Love and blessings,